|Oh the drama...
||[Mar. 20th, 2005|01:15 pm]
Well I'm single again it would appear. Robert called me yesterday evening saying that he was going to stop by my cousins pub for a few minutes yesterday. Fine. Then he called again at 5 saying he would be home in a few minutes. Fine. 2 and a half hours later he comes staggering in the door. He ate dinner. Took a shower. Then told me that he was going to bed. Fine. This morning he woke up, took a shower and proceeded to leave to go to his cousins house. Not so much as an attempt at an apology. Nothing. When I said "well you could at least apologize for having absolutely NO regard for my feelings whatsoever instead of acting like everything is fine". he said "fine, Im sorry". yeah right. Anyway, I'm tired of it so I told him to leave. Not tomorrow, not later today...now. So he packed his things and left. I have no idea where he is going or where he will stay. I am sad but it's for the best. I don't know why he ever thought he could treat me the way that he has and better yet, I don't know why I ever let him. Bottom line is that he has now and will always chose alcohol over having a family. It's very sad and I really thought that he would change. Everyone says that he has to hit "rock bottom" before he will ever realize that the way he's living is wrong. He has changed alot since he moved in with us but it's still not enough for me... for my family. He thinks that it is but I just can't accept it. I cannot accept him staggering in the front door after spending God knows how much money at the bar. A couple of weekends ago he went there and spent almost his entire paycheck. Soooo... what do I need him for anyway if I have to be the only responsible one and take care of everything. I am so tired of being alone even when I'm not. |
We have a very destruction relationship and I have no idea why I keep taking him back. It's like he has some kind of hold over me. I have never been dependent on anyone but it's almost like I am dependent on him. But for what? Certainly not for affection, money or happiness. I don't know. I don't get it. I see all of these things and everyone around me does too, but I don't do anything about it. I think it is finally over this time. He left quite a few things here because he has no where to put them but I made him give back his house key. I've never made him do that before.
I don't know... I just don't know why I still love him. I don't know why I ever accepted being treated like a lesser human being. I always demanded more than that. *sigh* I just don't know anything anymore.
I guess I'm done venting.